Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Slave Called Shiver

Stupid Dream has arrived. I’ve spent the afternoon reading Anais Nin, and deciding quite prudently not to include any quotes on this blog. Ever. Septembre et Ses Dernières Pensées is still in transit, several months after I first made an order. If I could how incredibly, utterly, drifting-into-hyperbole-but-still-ridiculously keen I am for its arrival, I’d be far better writer than I am right now.

I’ll break from the usual blog rant/terrible poetry for a moment to ask that you take a look at Samantha Holford’s fundraising page. She’s running a half-marathon in the Twilight Festival on March 18, and hoping to raise at least $200 with proceeds going to Cure Cancer Australia. Even if you’re not overly interested in donating, or are about as charitable as Scrooge before his late night epiphany with a ghostly ménage a trios – have a quick look, if only to send mental and psychic support. This is a thing, as far as I’m concerned for this endorsement.

Today marks the second consecutive day off I’ve had since New Year, and despite all signs to the contrary – it doesn’t look like I’m about to be called in at 9 o’clock at night. To celebrate the occasion, I thought I’d give a few pieces of advice I’ve learned from a month and a half selling phones, which will only serve to show how little I actually know about selling phones to begin with.

Firstly: If you work at a trade, buy a protective cover and insurance for your phone. If you do not - bad things will happen to it. The number of customers we have in with cracked screens, chipped motherboards and assorted miscellaneous phone-related trauma is staggering. A decent phone case will put you back around $60. If you’ve recently entered into a $2000 contract, and are working at a site where dropping your phone is not only possible but likely – now is not the time to quibble over a sum you’re likely earning in less than a 2 hour period.

Secondly: If you work at a desk, buy a cover for your phone. The rules are slightly less relaxed here. If you’re working at a desk (so long as it’s not a desk inconveniently located out in the middle of a quarry, overlooking a precarious drop and exposed to the elements – in which case, you should defer to Rule 1) you likely do not need to be sporting a bulky piece of hardened rubber and a protective screen. Even a light case will offer it a far greater level of protection than allowing it to brave the elements naked. The one thing that you should remember is to have the case level higher than the edge of the screen – it will help break the fall. After this it really doesn’t matter whether it’s a leather flip case, or a case flowery enough to put a kimono to shame.

Thirdly: Now that you’ve bought your case, do not test its durability by throwing it against the wall. Just don’t.

Fourth - Coverage issues: If you live with a metropolitan area, chances are that you’ll receive excellent coverage with Optus or Virgin. If you’re constantly travelling out to the mines, or frequently complain that you can’t receive Optus coverage where you live – do not attempt to an Optus contract. If you need to stand out in the middle of the street to receive coverage, it’s a safe bet to assume that you might want to switch carrier. Stubbornly refusing to mention that you need to dangle off a ladder in your backyard before you’ll receive even one bar of coverage, until we’re halfway through a contract, all because you ‘Didn’ wanna go with Telstra,’ is an excellent and productive use of an afternoon.

Vodaphone coverage is less than exceptional in Mackay, at least until they erect a few more towers. If you want to go on a plan with them, expect a few raised eyebrows.

That’s about all. I stopped listening to Porcupine Tree to finish writing this. I’ve started it up again, and that’s as good enough a reason as any to bring this blog to a close.

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